Postmortem
- Chapter 2 -

The flight to Mexico was uncomfortable at the best and Gibbs thoughts kept wandering back to Jenny. He remembered them traveling through Europe, and how good they were together.

‘Damn her and her five point plan!' he thought angrily and just barely resisted the urge to hit something. The realization about his true feelings suddenly hit him and he cursed himself for not being there for her. Not only at the diner where she had taken her last breath trying to protect him, but before that as well.

When he'd left to go on his Margarita Safari he didn't know how much he had hurt her, just caring about himself. Of course he'd caught her looking at him longingly several times her first year back and the sexual tension was still there, just as strong as it had been ten years previous. But, he'd left. Left to wallow in self pity, not caring at all how she would react and feel about it.

The moment he was back he'd realized his mistake. To ease the pain of having him gone had made Jenny turn to the bourbon for comfort, risking far more than she normally would by recklessly going after La Grenouille and playing with poor Tony's feelings like he was dummy, not a human being. Gibbs had no doubt she'd used Tony as her personal toy boy before giving him the mission to date Jeanne, the woman he accidentally and completely fell in love with.

Several months, maybe even a year, passed before Jenny had felt confident about Gibbs staying and thus letting the consumption of alcohol lower to a normal amount. His error with dating colonel Mann forced Jenny away even more and he once again blamed himself for not being there by her side when she needed him the most.

‘Why didn't you tell me you were sick?'

But not even the dread he'd felt when he'd realized something was wrong with her made him less of a coward. He didn't deserve her.

Suddenly another memory appeared, one involving a boy named Carson. Gibbs had been at her house and after making sure the little guy had fallen asleep she had actually made a pass at him and asked him to stay the night. His entire body had screamed ‘yes', but his stubborn mind said no, instantly winning over his repressed heart. She had probably known about her disease already and wanted to confide in him, let him comfort her when she needed it the most. But he and his damn pride had said no. The one chance he'd had when she would've welcomed him with open arms and finally let down her strict façade, and he'd thrown it away for something as trivial as his ego.

The sound of the Captains voice over the speakers telling the passengers to fasten their seatbelts pulled Gibbs out of his reverie, only to make him realize tears were slowly trickling down his cheeks and he angrily swiped them away with the back of his hand. Despite once again hiding behind his best poker face he could still feel the emptiness eating him alive, from the inside and out.

Chapter 3